No matter where you hide NASCAR is going to find you.
I have a friend who has as much interest in auto racing as I do in lemon flavored cockroaches. She works for a firm that represents a firm that does some kind of marketing for another firm that has ties to NASCAR. And her boss had a party. You know, just a casual barbecue attended by all the variously powered reps of all the associated entities with the central theme of, the live TV broadcast of The NASCAR Nextel Cup race at Richmond International Raceway.
She called me. Worse yet, she found me. And I am her friend.
She " What do I do? What do I say? What should I wear?
Me " Don't worry about what you wear. It's a NASCAR party. If ya got nothing else, at least have beads.
This alone, sadly, did not rid me of pending obligation. She persisted.
I told her, ya know, people who don't get Dale Earnhardt Jr or restrictor plates, think NASCAR people are simple. And some of us are. But NASCAR isn't easy. If you act like you know what you're talking about, and someone at the party actually does, they'll make you look dumber than a NASCAR blogger.
My five tips for surviving the boss's NASCAR barbecue are as follows.
- The Richmond race is a Car of Tomorrow race. I know you don't know what that means. What you need to know is you hate the Car of Tomorrow. And you should be able to recite three different synonyms for the CoT. (That's one. CoT) Use your creativity here. Impress the client. Suggestions: Car of Eventually, Car of Right Now (C.O.R.N.) or Ugly Little Freakin' Toad all work.
- Keep your sense of humor, because these NASCAR geeks don't have one between the whole load of them. Make one gay joke to the wrong party goer and you'll have a world of Jeff Gordon heat coming right down on your head.
- Be extremely cautious if you are asked who is your favorite driver. This is always a set up. If you say I don't really have one, they'll know you don't belong. Yet, if you pick a name you recognize, at least half the attendees will hate you. Immediately. They may even throw things, like beer, at you. Not a bad thing if you like beer, but it probably messes up the boss's house. And he could be a tosser, too. The safest choice is a retired driver. Go with Dale Earnhardt or Dick Trickle.
- You hate restrictor plates but you love to watch restrictor plate races.
- Know your nicknames. Richard Petty is the King. Dale Earnhardt the Intimidator. Darrell Waltrip is Jaws. Junior is not Junior Johnson. And there is only one Dick Trickle.
Enjoy the race. The party's just icing.
The inspiration to write this post came from Darren Rouse's terrific blog Problogger.net. I submitted it to a group writing project that seems a bit of a challenge for a relatively fledgling NASCAR blog but it is fun check out Darren's blog and read some of the other project submissions. It is very cool.
Picture credit: Thunderlounge.com